Resident vs. Certified, Choosing a Doctor

Pregnancy-MassageMy friend is pregnant and she asked me the other day which hospital she should deliver at. I felt honored as I explained what I liked about our two local hospitals. My oldest was born at one hospital and my other two at the other hospital. Then the topic changed to one that was near and dear to my heart.

“Hospital A has residents and Hospital B has certified,” she said quite proud to know this. “That’s right,” I responded. Then, “I don’t think I would have a resident deliver my baby.” My heart dropped. It was a resident that delivered my youngest two.

When I found out that I was pregnant the first time I was absolutely over joyed. We weren’t married yet but we were planning on it. We discussed moving the wedding up. Then the worst happened, we lost the baby. Things spiraled out of control and we split up. About two years later I met the father of my children. We dated a short while before finding out that we were expecting. Thrown into parenthood we ended up living at my parents for a short while, and when my oldest was born he was premature. He spent the first week of his life in the NICU and came home on a breathing monitor.

So when a couple years later we found out we were expecting again I was all kinds of nervous. We saw a local doctor for the first five months when they found a problem. I was carrying to much water. We went to see a specialist at the local hospital and decided that since the hospital we were scheduled to deliver at didn’t have a NICU we would change providers. Since I would have to see the high risk doctor through the bigger hospital we decided to not pick another provider and whoever was on call would deliver the baby.

When our son was born almost a week late at the end of July a Resident, second year medical student would be the one to deliver. Delivery went so smooth and the baby and I went home two days later. Only seven months later I was expecting again. I asked the resident if she  would be our doctor and deliver our third baby. There was something about her that made me feel comfortable. She took care of me and the baby and the whole family for the rest of her time in residency and we were all heartbroken when she moved on.

How could I possibly explain this to my friend though? What words could I use to reassure her that a resident could be just as qualified as a certified doctor. They don’t do it alone. There was always another doctor in the delivery room. Would I have been open minded enough with my first baby to listen to someone? Probably, I took a lot of bad advice with my pregnancy. People told me to fear doctors and I did. They told me that Doctors didn’t have my best interest at heart. They scared me into believing that Pitocin was the worst thing ever, and that I should be cautious of any advice my doctor gave me.

I don’t know whether I can convince my friend that Residents are just as good at delivering as Certified Doctors. Here is what I will say to her and to any of you out there reading this, go with your gut. Ask a lot of questions constantly and remember up to the moment the baby is delivered you can ask for someone else if your doctor is making you feel uncomfortable. Take the advice and counsel of Doctors over anything you read on the internet, including my blog. I didn’t spend any time in Medical school, I didn’t go through residency, I don’t know the first thing about delivery other then what I went through with my own children and so my telling you what you need to do with your delivery shouldn’t supersede what a medical professional tells you.

I was happy with my Resident doctor delivering my two youngest and I told her that if she settled down and started a practice in my area I would continue to use her as our family doctor because I trust her decisions and advice. When it comes to your children and family you need to trust your family doctor and if you do not trust your doctor find one that you do trust.

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Reading Readiness Has To Do With The Body

Considering the struggle I have had with Ben this was well worth the read. Praying that I learn the patience to teach him how to read when he is ready to learn so that he will have a life-long love of reading.

Laura Grace Weldon

reading readiness, kids sit too much, Sitting down. (public domain by Jusben)

Today’s kids sit more than ever. Babies spend hours confined in car seats and carriers rather than crawling, toddling, or being carried. As they get older their days are often heavily scheduled between educational activities and organized events. Children have 25 percent less time for free play than they did a generation ago, and that’s before factoring in distractions like TV or video games.

Left to their own devices, children move. They hold hands and whirl in a circle till they fall down laughing. They beg to take part in interesting tasks with adults. They want to face challenges and try again after making mistakes. They climb, dig, and run. When they’re tired they like to be rocked or snuggled. Stifling these full body needs actually impairs their ability to learn.

Sensory experience and fun. (CC by 2.0 Micah Sittig)

We…

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Tomorrow – Who Is Next?

This brought a tear to my eye. Brian’s life was so important and ended so soon. I don’t always think about Anna’s own husband being a police officer I just enjoy her blogs. When something this tragic happens though I am reminded that this beautiful woman’s husband also puts his life on the line to protect us. I hope you all will read this post and I hope that you will share it and remind each other daily that these officers who risk their lives for you deserve your respect. No more looting, no more violence, and no more acting like the cops are the bad guys. Dad would say that we have all be transported to some Bizzarro world. Cops are the good guys, thugs, criminals, murders, scum that shoot cops are the bad guys. Let’s remember Brian’s name and honor him, not the piece of garbage that took his life.

This House Is Our Home

NYPD

I woke up this morning and saw his face everywhere. I kept hoping that it was just another rumor, and that someone had it wrong. I felt the ache wash over me, that pain in my heart that had only just begun to heal.

I saw his face, his body dressed in that familiar blue, his eyes made serious for his official picture. 25 years old – and gone. Officer Brian Moore. Who will mourn him? Who will even remember his name?  The names of violent criminals have become common on the lips of everyone in this country, while his name, and the thousands more like him go quietly to their graves, their sacrifice deemed less important on the nightly news than the birth of a royal child overseas or a has-been celebrity’s big announcement.

There is no way to explain what happened. Not this time, nor any other.

All…

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Shame or Criticism

What is with all the shaming? Any time we disagree with something, we are shaming each other. There are pictures of babies holding signs, “shaming” their behavior. Pictures of animals “shaming” their behavior. More recently and what really got my attention was this dad’s letter that went viral in which he writes “I am not surprised to see the dress code shaming come into my house”. What the heck is dress code shaming? Well in his case it is where his daughter didn’t follow the schools dress code and they made her change. In reality though she broke a rule at school and was asked to remedy that. There really isn’t any shaming involved.

The Mariam Webster Dictionary defines shaming as “A painful emotion cause by consciousness of guilt shortcoming of impropriety” So I guess you could say she was dress code shamed, if she knew she broke the rule and felt guilty for it. The thing is this, and it is quite simple actually. We should to a certain degree feel guilty about our actions when our actions cause harm to others. I don’t think the young girl felt guilty about being asked to change out of her favorite dress, maybe disappointed but I doubt she felt guilty. I wonder if she felt a painful emotion? Disappointment? Oh my, we cannot have that. We cannot have anyone feeling disappointed that would just be wrong. (sarcasm noted).

Not to long ago singer Michael Buble was also accused of shaming. I think in his case he was accused of body shaming. His crime he posted a picture to Instagram that his wife took. In the background was a young woman wearing short shorts and he said “baby got back”. Um, is that a compliment? I honestly don’t know if it was meant as a compliment or not, but it doesn’t seem like a shameful thing.

Blogger, Melissa McEwan created the hashtag #FatMicroagression to bring attention to the inappropriate and hurtful comments directed at overweight people. One person who responded to the hashtag said that “People loudly complaining how fat they are when they are the same size or smaller than you”, was her definition of fat microagression, leaving me wondering if simply commenting on anything at all will soon be seen as a form of shaming.

Slate.com writer Mark Peters hits the nail on the head in his article “Shame on Everyone; Just because you don’t like someone’s criticism doesn’t meant they are ‘shaming’ you”. I love it, I actually want to reach through the screen and give this Mr. Peters a big kiss. Thank you. His big argument is that like certain other words, shaming has become an overused word.

Guys who are tired of being called creeps have absurdly claimed creep-shaming, for instance. Breast-feeding advocates are sometimes accused of formula-shaming moms. I’ve also seen social-media-shaming, tattoo-shaming, luxury-shaming, attendance-shaming, snack-shaming, bigot-shaming, privilege-shaming, salary-shaming, single-shaming (i.e., shaming the nonmarried or nonattached), fedora-shaming, Drake-shaming, and filter-shaming. This last word was used, with all apparent sincerity, in an article by an acne sufferer who felt “shamed” for her use of Instagram filters by “selfie queens” (a term someone else will have to unpack).

Shaming isn’t a new concept. Parents use shame as a form of punishment to get their children to behave. Courts have used shame as a way to punish offenders. Shaming is also a technique used by abusive people to divert attention away from their own behavior. Shaming is a real problem, so it is unfortunate that we overuse it. Saying something is shaming when it is just criticism takes away from pain and humiliation suffered by actual shaming.

OUT of the FOG, which stands for Fear Obligation and Guilt, focuses on information and support for family or friends of people who suffer from personality disorders, explains what shaming really is.

Shaming is a technique used by abusive people to divert attention away from their own behavior and issues by putting pressure on a victim so they can maintain control. The victim is put into an impossible situation, where they feel they are inherently flawed and so can never measure up to the standards being imposed on them, and therefore must dedicate themselves to attempting to make up from their badness.

Some examples of shaming statements include:

“You were a mistake”

“You could never do what he/she does”

“You’ve ruined my life”

“We are all disappointed in you”

“Shame on You!”

There is a huge difference between shame and criticism and it is time we start seeing the difference.

A Second Generation Home School Family

As a mother of three children, this will be my second experience with homeschooling. First as a student in the 90’s, when it was less than popular. And now teaching my children in 2015, when it seems like just about everyone I meet either home-schools or knows someone who is thinking about it. Now that I am a teacher and preparing three children to go on the wonderous journey of homeschool I wonder if I didn’t somehow luck out.
When I grew up, we were shunned. Homeschool students were made fun of, looked down on by society on a large scale. In Colorado, we had to see a psychologist, this was done in part to determine if homeschool was harming us in any way. I don’t know if the same laws still apply in Colorado. My mom and the moms of the 80’s and 90’s paved the way to make homeschool normal.
You could say that homeschool is in my blood. Except my sister who never homeschooled tried it with her kids before life interfered, and she had to go back to work full time. My other sister who was homeschooled also experienced life’s general interference and therefore never tried it with her daughter. Three of mom’s five children were homeschooled. She didn’t even know it was an option when her older two were school age.
We were ridiculed by people who clearly had no clue how homeschool worked. “What about socialization?” Give me a break we had a ton of friends. My brother excelled at track and football, my sister was a champion at showing horses, she also raised rabbits. We had a garden and the stand to sell our vegetables; we were quintessential “Little House on the Prairie”.
What about me, well I am glad you asked. At sixteen, I got tired of homeschool and decided to try my hand at college. I was in for a rude awakening. The deceit and backstabbing were new to me; I had no idea that someone would lie and try to get you kicked out of school just to have a private dorm room. The school was less than helpful. Well no, that is not completely true I had a pretty good idea that people were horrible I just wasn’t expecting the amount of terror that adult girls would put another young girl through. The admissions rep was awesome. He did everything in his power to make things right for me; the lady in charge of housing was another story altogether. Perhaps homeschool made me willing to stand on my own two feet; it gave me the courage to stand back up after being knocked down. Shortly before my 18th’s birthday during my sophomore year at college I transferred schools.
The new school was okay, but I had lost my focus. At 20, I dropped out of school altogether just one semester shy of my Bachelors in Criminal Justice. I met a man, fell in love and got married. Our son was born, and I started thinking about my life so far. I guess I didn’t want him to be disappointed in his old mama, so I went back to school, changed majors to English and walked in my graduation at 29.
I am not your typical homeschool story though. I like to think that most homeschool students who go to college are not met with the kind of deceit I was, and most don’t drop out.
My brother graduated with highest honors. He was the first student to graduate with all A’s from his program with a degree in AutoCAD. He works for a nice company now as project manager. We all take different paths in life, homeschool students, for the most part, are no different from our public school counterparts. We have the same interests and ambitions, what differs is our learning atmosphere. My good friends send their children to public school; they are smart, sweet, and successful. My good friends also homeschool their children, and they are just as smart sweet and successful. The choices that we make as mom’s, what is best for our family, is simply for our family. I would never tell another Mom that they had to homeschool or not, or that they had to vaccinate or not. We should respect each others choices when it comes to our families. Sure I can quote statistics on homeschool, how students excel, but the research is out there if you are interested. What I hope instead is that I presented a story of a second generation homeschool family that is just trying to figure things out as they go.

You Have an Opinion, How Nice

The internet is a great place to get into arguments with complete strangers. It is easy to be hateful and rude because you can keep your anonymity. Recently a pro-life page started ranting about homosexuality, and how hard it is for homosexuals to adopt. Anyone and everyone who said that they felt homosexuality was wrong was attacked. The post started off attacking and putting these people on the defensive, if they had an opinion that went against the mainstream they were the problem. Once put on the defensive and left to respond more posts popped up, calling these individuals out. Have an opinion, how nice, just be sure that you do not go against the political correct craze that has taken over.
For the purposes of honest and upfront discord, I do not believe in homosexuality. I do not believe that homosexuals exist in every facet of life. I do not believe that gigantic billboard that screams “Someone you love is gay.” I do not support homosexual marriage, and I do not believe that a couple should be allowed to adopt just because they are homosexual, I also do not believe that homosexuals have a hard time adopting. That was the point of the pro-life post. That it is one thing to be pro-life and to want an end to abortion but we must also support and fight for homosexuals to be allowed to adopt.
Personal experience has shown me at least in the Bible belt where I reside that homosexuals have no problems adopting. The adoption foster care class that my husband attended had a lesbian couple in it, and a Christian couple. The Christian couple was told that they would not be allowed to adopt when they expressed outrage that there was a homosexual couple in the class. The social worker explained that their attitude toward homosexuality was not healthy and that they were not a good match for the adoption foster care program. So much for being allowed to have an opinion, you can, of course, have one if it agrees nicely with the PC crowd, how is that for equality?
That is part of the reason I am writing this post. Not to see how much outrage I can stir up; I am sure that there will be a few people who find my opinion wrong, who will attack me for it. The thing is we should all be allowed an opinion, and there are no wrong opinions. If you find my words to be offensive, that is your opinion of them, it is not wrong though any more than my opinion is wrong. If we all thought, felt, and said the same things how boring life would be. Without differing opinions, we would have no art, no music, no writing. Life would not be worth living if we all agreed on everything, we need these differing opinions to grow. Shouting down the opposition or telling them, they are uncaring or calling them names is no way to win an argument. My opinion about homosexuality aside, I think you will find that I am not a bad person. Perhaps through open discourse, through discussion that limits the name calling I can persuade you to see things my way, or perhaps you will be able to persuade me to see things your way. You won’t, however, win me over, by telling me that I am hateful, or that my words spew hate, just because my opinion differs from yours.

To the complete and total strangers at Costco:

Another common sense look at large families, and she writes so well, I only wish I was this talented.

Chewing Crayons

Dear complete and total strangers at Costco,

I know you watched as we navigated our vehicle into the crowded parking lot.  You stood in awe as we wedged our trendy 15 passenger mega-van into a parking space between a 2 door Miata and a very roomy shoe box- on-wheels deemed a Smart Car. You saw us attempt to unload our family with as much class, decorum and organization as we could humanly muster… and 23 minutes later file toward Costco with our seven *progeny and three carts for our weekly shopping trip.

I can only imagine your thoughts as one wailing child donned an open-toed sandal on his right foot and a rubber boot covered in duct tape on the left. You correctly saw that a second child was wearing pajama pants that are at least three sizes too short, paired with a faded Thomas The Train pajama shirt, because…

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